Fwd: REAL FRIEND TEST

This is GOOD...I expect it back too!
I especially like the last sentence!!!!!!

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself
and doesn't  feel even the least bit weird shutting your
'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears..

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first
names.
A real friend has their phone numbers
in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your
party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and
stays late to help you clean..

A simple friend hates it when you call after
they've gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to
call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your
problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic
history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when
you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for
them..
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A simple friend reads this e-mail and deletes it.
A real friend passes it on and sends it back to you!

Pass this on to anyone you care about......if you
get it back you have no beginning, no end.

It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
Today I pass this on to you.. Pass it on to someone
who is a friend to you..

'Never frown, even when you are sad,
because you never know who is
falling in love with your smile. '

Fwd: HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB ...???

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an
Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back After 6 hours and then analyze The situation.

If they are counting the Bricks. Put them in the accounts Department.

If they are recounting them..Put them in auditing ..

If they have messed up the Whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the Bricks at each other. Put them in operations .

If they are sleeping. Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks Into pieces. Put them in information Technology.

If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried Different combinations, yet Not a brick
has Been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for The day. Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the Window. Put them on strategic Planning.

And then last but not least. If they are talking to each Other and not
a single brick Has been Moved.
Congratulate them and put them In Top management

Fwd: A SMALL TOUCHING STORY

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his
5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the
man said angrily.

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."

SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"

The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you
can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then
you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about
why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
childish behavior."

 The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little
boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some
money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to
think: May be there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs..50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to
the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you
asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy..

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the man.

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the
Rs.50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry
again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up
at his father...

"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have Rs. 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow I would like to have dinner with you"

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We
should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some
time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of days.

But the family friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest
of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into
work than to our family.

Fwd: TEAM SPIRIT

TEAM SPIRIT

Heard a beautiful story on TEAM SPIRIT, just want to share.

There was a farmer who grew superior quality and award-winning corn.
Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honour
and prizes.

Once a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learnt something
interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the
farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbours.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbours
when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the
reporter asked.

"Why sir, "said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen
from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my
neighbours grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn,
cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn.

If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn."

The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life. His
corn cannot improve unless his neighbour's corn also improves. So it
is in the other dimensions!  Those who choose to be at harmony must
help their neighbours and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose
to live well must help others to live well. The value of a life is
measured by the lives it touches.

SUCCESS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN ISOLATION.

IT IS VERY OFTEN A PARTICIPATIVE AND COLLECTIVE PROCESS.


Together Everyone Achieves More

Fwd: Enjoy this one …….

A woman stopped by at her recently married son's house. She rang the
doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying
on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for your son to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed!
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!",
"Your son loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him
to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband
came home.

He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

" It needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

Fwd: Enjoy Marathi Cartoons!

Jhakaass!!

Fwd: Palm houses in DUBAI !! AWESOME!!

Awesome! Isn't it?

Fwd: A Lesson.............very impressive and true!!!!!!!!!!!

Fwd: New Sholay Scene

Jay : Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta  hai..
Mausi : Hai ram..!!! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya??

Jay : kahan mausi, 2 saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai...
Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 2 saal se Satyam mein hi hai..

Jay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary
bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?

Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai  mausi..
Mausi : Hai hai ...!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..?

Jay : Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin milti hai na... Mausi..
Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane  ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ..???

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer  ki kismat mein to yehi
likha hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka  Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!

Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?
Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar  de  denge!!

Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le...Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi
sauteli maa nahi....Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu
se shaadi kar Le par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi .

Fwd: Laws of nature....!!

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

Fwd: Enjoyed by me

Enjoy!!

Fwd: Get Alphonso Mangoes at your doorstep @ Rs 599

Enjoy!

Fwd: Teen Dost

Teen Dost Thay
Phela Pathan, Dusra Madrasi aur Tesra Guju

Dostoo Ney apas main socha Ke Yar Gariboo Ko  Dan dena hai
to  App Log Kaisey Daitey Ho

Too Phela Dost Pathan Bola:

Ke Hum Khali Maidan Main Ja Kar Gol Daira Banataa Hai
Aur Asman ki taraf Paisa Uchhalta Hai
Jo Paisa Daira Ka Bhahir Jata Hai
Woo Daan  Kartta Hai
aur Joo Andar Houta Ha Woo Humara Houta Hai

Phir Madrasi Na Bola:
Ke Hum Aik Lakir Kachtta Hai, aur Paisa Uchalta Hai
Joo Paisa Left Hand Par Jatta Hai, Woh Daan  Karta Hai
Aur Joo Right Hand Par Woh Humara

Phir Guju Dost Sey Poucha Ka Woh Kaisey Daan Ka paise kaise  deta Hai,
 Tau Guju Ne
Kaha:
App Log Eisay Daan  Kartay Ho? Hum lakeer ke faqeer nahi
hai,
Hum Khali Maidan Main Jatta Hai, Aur Paisay Asman Ma Uchalta Hai Joo
Paisa Asman Ma Gaya  Woh Daan Ka Or Joo Paisa Neechay Aaya,  Woh
Humara.

Fwd: IMPACT of JOB CHANGE

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
Question. The driver screamed, lost control of the
Car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few
Centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver
Said: "Look man, don't ever do that again. You
Scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
Would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
First day as a cab driver - I've been driving a
Van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years...

Fwd: Management

Story 1:

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm… But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch, which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner! Are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with him self.

Moral:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson

In the context of the working world:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES. ..

  
Story 2:

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene: As they enter the! Burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion. 

Moral:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson

In the context of the working world:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT... 

 

Fwd: lets smile

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Sham: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Harry: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Harry: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Sham: The Tablets are walking in the market..

Sham 's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Sham, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse hi
karunga!

Sham: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Ram: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

Sham bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Sham: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use  pehchan
nahin pa raha

Why did Sham sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has slept.

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Ram:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..

Sham: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Ram: Are tension mat le, Zeher bharwane aya hoga...

Sham bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his
car.
Sham: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage as well

Fwd: Late Working!! Ha ha ha ha

Fwd: Still u use CAN'T and IMPOSSIBLE - Armless Girl Gets A Pilot

Unbelievable?...... Believe it!!

Fwd: SHE MAKES BABIES........ so cute..

Sent from: Northampton Eng United Kingdom.

Fwd: What a drink...!! Snake Wine

Sent from: Northampton Eng United Kingdom.

Fwd: Spanish lesson

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!

Fwd: And that's when the fight started....

************************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'
 
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...
 
*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.  

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...

Fwd: Processes: Shall we go for a drink?

The diagram demonstrates the process in a female and male brain during the simple question: "Shall we go for a drink?"

netwala: SpiceJet: Happy Hours- Book for two pay for one! http://tinyurl.com/7hs749