Fwd: Leave Applications...

See, how people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.  Just Read It.

An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."
 
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
 
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

 A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application: Ultimate
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.  

Fwd: Tears of a husband

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,

'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have been released today!"

fwd: Cutest Pair of Twins...............

Fwd: What can you do with your old PC.....

What to do with your old PC ? Don't throw away your faulty computer or
parts. Try to do something useful from it.You don't know what ? Here
you have some examples.I hope you'll learn something useful from here.

Fwd: FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs
forwrad it

FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT

Fwd: Hand Art Advertisements by AT&T

Fwd: Tibetan Delights

Nature Never Disappoints. But we do to nature.

Fwd: Use the opportunity...

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you
see me rob this bank?"

The ma n replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the
temper, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the ma n,
"Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Fwd: BEWARE OF KFC FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!--------

Horrible N  Fact about KFC


KFC has been a part of our American traditions for many years. Many
people, day in and day out, eat at KFC religiously. Do they really
know what they are eating? During a recent study of KFC done at the
University of New Hampshire, they found some very upsetting facts.
First of all, has anybody noticed that just recently, the company has
changed their name?

Kentucky Fried Chicken has become KFC. Does anybody know why? We
thought the real reason was because of the "FRIED" food issue.

IT'S NOT! !

The reason why they call it KFC is because they can not use the word
chicken anymore. Why? KFC does not use real chickens. They actually
use genetically manipulated organisms. These so called "chickens" are
kept alive by tubes inserted into their bodies to pump blood and
nutrients throughout their structure. They have no beaks, no feathers,
and no feet. Their bone structure is dramatically shrunk to get more
meat out of them. This is great for KFC.

 Because they do not have to pay so much for their production costs.
There is no more plucking of the feathers or the removal of the beaks
and feet. The government has told them to change all of their menus so
they do not say chicken anywhere. If you look closely you will notice
this. Listen

to their commercials, I guarantee you will not see or hear the word
chicken. I find this matter to be very disturbing.

 I hope people will start to realize this and let other people know.
Please forward this message to as many people as you can. Together we
make  KFC start using real chicken again.

FWD: Ant & Grasshopper :

Ant & Grasshopper :

U.S VERSION

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

INDIAN Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having  nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'.

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
.
.
.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ....

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!

Fwd: Power of Positive Thought....

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.. I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's other felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. Fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win.. I wish my dad had coached me
playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism. These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have
internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you short changing yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own
internal dialogue.

Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.

• But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
• Try: Presupposes failure.
• If: Presupposes that you may not.
• Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
• Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
• Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
• Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
• Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:

• Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
• Likely result: Drops the ball
• Better language: "Catch the ball!"
• Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
• Likely result: Watches more television.
• Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
• Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

Thanks for giving me a ability to share a very good article to my friends.

Fwd: Strange Furniture

Fwd: Indian Mother - MUST READ...!!

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she  took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Love, Mom.

Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian !

Fwd: Niagara Falls in Chennai.....

NIAGARA FALLS IN CHENNAI, SHOCKED ?

THIS IS NOT NATURE GIFT, BUT ITS DONE BY CHENNAI GOVERNMENT

Fwd: Excellent ads from Shoppers Stop.....Get Inspired