Email Collector!

FWD: Rajnikant's Driving license!

2011-01-04T17:53:00.000+05:30

Is that Rajnikant's Driving license?

Fwd: Interesting facts about Rajinikant

2010-11-19T11:50:00.001+05:30

Why did the British leave INDIA iN 1947 ?
Because they came to kNow a baby Named RajiNikaNth will be borN iN 1949!!

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The newly got symbol for the rupee is actually
Rajnikanth''s signature.

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Rajnikanth once wrote his autobiography...
Today that book is known as Guiness Book of World records..
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1+0=1, 1*0=0, 1-0=1, then 1/0=?

This was the question onee asked to RAJNIKANTH and he said,

"I don't know!"

Thats why it's declared as "Not Defined"..!

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Rajnikanth doesn't shave... He just looks in the mirror and dares
hairs to grow...!!

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Part of apple's logo dat is missing was eaten by Rajnikanth...

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Once while playing Rajnikanth said " STATUE " to a person.........
Now that person is known as "STATUE OF LIBERTY"....

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Rajnikanth...... got shot yesterday . . today is the bullet''s funeral...!!

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What is that rajnikanth can do..that we cant even think of doin it..?
He can answer a missed call.!

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Breaking News: Rajnikanth Presented A Cheque & The Bank Bounced

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Did U ever wonder...??
Wat does GOD exclaim when he is shocked?
'Oh my RAJNIKANTH!!!!!'

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Government pays TAX to Rajnikant for working in India...........

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Rajnikant has counted infinity twice.!

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Rajnikant creats his new mail i.d.

Gmail@rajnikant.com

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USA POWER
vs
INDIAN POWER

USA-
10000 nuclear weapons, 600000 army, 10000 tanks,
12000 air force, 3000 ships

INDIA-
*RAJNIKANTH*

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Once Dinosaurs borrowed money from Rajnikanth and refused to pay him back...
That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs...

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A child went2 Kashmir& startd playing by making small mountains from ice.
Today those mountains are called "Himalyas"
&
That child name is RAJNIKANTH

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FaceBooK founder Mark Zukerberg hospitalized with serious injury..

Rajnikanth poked him on Facebook.

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Why does rajnikanth wear sunglasses?

To protect the sun from his eyes!

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a 22 whealer huge truck once met with an accident against RAJINIKANTH
Since then, it is called TATA NANO.

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Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald's, and got it.

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Rajinikanth does push-ups, he isn't lifting himself up.
He is pushing the earth down.

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Basketball player to RAJNIKANT:
I can spin a ball on my finger for 2 hours ... can u ???
Rajnikanth: yena rascala, how do u think the earth spins?? mind it...

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Spider man,superman,batman,james bond , ironman, shaktiman, krish all
visited rajnikanth.
Do u know which day it was?
GURU POURNIMA!

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BREAKING NEWS.....

FACEBOOK HAS NOW JOINED ""RAJNIKANTH""

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Once when rajnikant was playing cricket ,he played a defensive shot...
And now that ball is called... " PLUTO "

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Rajnikant once threw a coin in disgust at a black beggar,
he is now called 50 cent..!!

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RAJNIKANT enters BIGG BOSS 4...
next day ...
RAJNIKANT chahte hai ki BIGG BOSS confession room me aayein!!!

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Once a guy winked at Rajnikanth's wife, Rajni twisted his limbs and
broke his eyelid.
We now know him as Baba Ramdev..

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Rajnikanth and Superman once had arm wrestled and the loser had to
wear his Underwear over his pants..

We all know who won..!!

Fwd: Business is Business

2010-11-19T11:19:00.002+05:30

One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds… I'll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Then a Jewish boy put his hand up and said "David", The Buddhist boy said "Gautama Buddha" and the Muslim boy said "Mohammed". They all were not successful. Finally, a Gujju boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and I'll give you the 10 pounds that I promised." As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said, "You know Jignesh, since you're a Hindu Gujarati; I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." Jignesh replied, "Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but Bijness is Bijness!!!!!!

Moral : Talk the language which listener (Customer) wants, not that which you know.

Fwd: REAL FRIEND TEST

2009-07-29T11:45:00.001+05:30

This is GOOD...I expect it back too!
I especially like the last sentence!!!!!!

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself
and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your
'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her foot!

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears..

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first
names.
A real friend has their phone numbers
in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your
party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and
stays late to help you clean..

A simple friend hates it when you call after
they've gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to
call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your
problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic
history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when
you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for
them..
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A simple friend reads this e-mail and deletes it.
A real friend passes it on and sends it back to you!

Pass this on to anyone you care about......if you
get it back you have no beginning, no end.

It keeps us together, like our Circle of Friends.
Today I pass this on to you.. Pass it on to someone
who is a friend to you..

'Never frown, even when you are sad,
because you never know who is
falling in love with your smile. '

Fwd: HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB ...???

2009-07-09T09:23:00.001+05:30

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an
Open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in The room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back After 6 hours and then analyze The situation.

If they are counting the Bricks. Put them in the accounts Department.

If they are recounting them..Put them in auditing ..

If they have messed up the Whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the Bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the Bricks at each other. Put them in operations .

If they are sleeping. Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks Into pieces. Put them in information Technology.

If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried Different combinations, yet Not a brick
has Been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for The day. Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the Window. Put them on strategic Planning.

And then last but not least. If they are talking to each Other and not
a single brick Has been Moved.
Congratulate them and put them In Top management

Fwd: A SMALL TOUCHING STORY

2009-06-09T14:28:00.001+05:30

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his
5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?" replied the man.

SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" the
man said angrily.

SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make Rs.100 an hour."

SON: "Oh," the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow Rs.50?"

The father was furious, "If the only reason you asked that is so you
can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then
you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about
why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this
childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little
boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some
money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down and started to
think: May be there was something he really needed to buy with that
Rs..50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to
the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you
asleep, son?" He asked.

"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy..

"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier" said the man.

"It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the
Rs.50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. "Oh, thank you daddy!" He yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry
again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up
at his father...

"Why do you want more money if you already have some?" the father grumbled.

"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.

"Daddy, I have Rs. 100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?

Please come home early tomorrow I would like to have dinner with you"

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he
begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We
should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some
time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that Rs.100 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of days.

But the family friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest
of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into
work than to our family.

Fwd: TEAM SPIRIT

2009-06-09T14:16:00.000+05:30

TEAM SPIRIT

Heard a beautiful story on TEAM SPIRIT, just want to share.

There was a farmer who grew superior quality and award-winning corn.
Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won honour
and prizes.

Once a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learnt something
interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the
farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbours.

"How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbours
when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the
reporter asked.

"Why sir, "said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen
from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my
neighbours grow inferior, sub-standard and poor quality corn,
cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn.

If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours grow good corn."

The farmer gave a superb insight into the connectedness of life. His
corn cannot improve unless his neighbour's corn also improves. So it
is in the other dimensions! Those who choose to be at harmony must
help their neighbours and colleagues to be at peace. Those who choose
to live well must help others to live well. The value of a life is
measured by the lives it touches.

SUCCESS DOES NOT HAPPEN IN ISOLATION.

IT IS VERY OFTEN A PARTICIPATIVE AND COLLECTIVE PROCESS.

Together Everyone Achieves More

Fwd: Enjoy this one …….

2009-06-08T11:04:00.001+05:30

"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for your son to come home from work," the daughter-in-law
answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed!
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!",
"Your son loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him
to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband
came home.

He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

" It needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?

Fwd: Enjoy Marathi Cartoons!

2009-06-05T17:55:00.001+05:30

Jhakaass!!

Fwd: Palm houses in DUBAI !! AWESOME!!

2009-06-05T17:52:00.000+05:30

Awesome! Isn't it?

Fwd: A Lesson.............very impressive and true!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-01T10:25:00.001+05:30

Fwd: New Sholay Scene

2009-06-01T10:19:00.001+05:30

Jay : Mausi, ladka Satyam mein kaam karta hai..
Mausi : Hai ram..!!! Aur kahin try kar raha hai kya??

Jay : kahan mausi, 2 saal Satyam me rahne ke baad koi Company leti kahan hai...
Mausi : Hi Raam to kya 2 saal se Satyam mein hi hai..

Jay : haan socha tha 2 saal me salary hike hogi hi. Aajkal to salary
bhi jyada NAHI mil rahi hai use..
Mausi : To kya salary BHI KAM milti HAI..?

Jay : Ab appraisal bhi to asaani se kahaan hota hai mausi..
Mausi : Hai hai ...!! To kya appraisal bhi nahi hota uska..?

Jay : Senior se ladhai karne ke baad appraisal mein achhi rating to
nahin milti hai na... Mausi..
Mausi : To kya seniors se ladhta bhi hai..?

Jay : Ab 2 saal tak onsite Jane ko na mile to ho jaati hai kabhi kabhi anban..
Mausi : To kya AB tak ek baar bhi onsite nahi gaya ..???

Jay : Ab Outdated technology ke developer ki kismat mein to yehi
likha hai mausi..
Mausi : kya kaha ladka Outdated technology mein kaam karata hai..!!!

Mausi : Kaunse college se padhai ki hai..?
Jay : Uska pataa lagte hi hum aapko khabar de denge!!

Jay : To main rishta pakka samjhuna mausi???
Mausi : Beta, kan khol kar sun Le...Sagi mausi hoon basanti ki, koi
sauteli maa nahi....Bhale hi hamaari Basanti Call Center wale Chandu
se shaadi kar Le par Satyam ke employee se katai nahin karegi .

Fwd: Laws of nature....!!

2009-05-11T12:07:00.001+05:30

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

Fwd: Enjoyed by me

2009-04-09T14:45:00.000+05:30

Enjoy!!

Fwd: Get Alphonso Mangoes at your doorstep @ Rs 599

2009-04-09T14:43:00.000+05:30

Enjoy!

Fwd: Teen Dost

2009-03-31T13:35:00.000+05:30

Teen Dost Thay
Phela Pathan, Dusra Madrasi aur Tesra Guju

Dostoo Ney apas main socha Ke Yar Gariboo Ko Dan dena hai
to App Log Kaisey Daitey Ho

Too Phela Dost Pathan Bola:

Ke Hum Khali Maidan Main Ja Kar Gol Daira Banataa Hai
Aur Asman ki taraf Paisa Uchhalta Hai
Jo Paisa Daira Ka Bhahir Jata Hai
Woo Daan Kartta Hai
aur Joo Andar Houta Ha Woo Humara Houta Hai

Phir Madrasi Na Bola:
Ke Hum Aik Lakir Kachtta Hai, aur Paisa Uchalta Hai
Joo Paisa Left Hand Par Jatta Hai, Woh Daan Karta Hai
Aur Joo Right Hand Par Woh Humara

Phir Guju Dost Sey Poucha Ka Woh Kaisey Daan Ka paise kaise deta Hai,
Tau Guju Ne
Kaha:
App Log Eisay Daan Kartay Ho? Hum lakeer ke faqeer nahi
hai,
Hum Khali Maidan Main Jatta Hai, Aur Paisay Asman Ma Uchalta Hai Joo
Paisa Asman Ma Gaya Woh Daan Ka Or Joo Paisa Neechay Aaya, Woh
Humara.

Fwd: IMPACT of JOB CHANGE

2009-03-17T15:10:00.001+05:30

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a
Question. The driver screamed, lost control of the
Car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped few
Centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, and then the driver
Said: "Look man, don't ever do that again. You
Scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
Would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my
First day as a cab driver - I've been driving a
Van carrying Dead Bodies for the last 25 years...

Fwd: Management

2009-03-10T12:49:00.001+05:30

Story 1:

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm… But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch, which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner! Are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with him self.

Moral:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson

In the context of the working world:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES. ..

Story 2:

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"

Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."

Bear: "Well that's absurd! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene: As they enter the! Burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson

In the context of the working world:

IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT...

Fwd: lets smile

2009-03-05T16:59:00.001+05:30

Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Sham: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Jailor: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Harry: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
jailor: Kyon has rahe ho?
Harry: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hoon!

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Sham: The Tablets are walking in the market..

Sham 's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Sham, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse hi
karunga!

Sham: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Ram: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

Sham bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Sham: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan
nahin pa raha

Why did Sham sleep with a scale?
Because he wanted to measure how long he has slept.

Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Ram:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..

Sham: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Ram: Are tension mat le, Zeher bharwane aya hoga...

Sham bought a car on loan... He didn't pay the dues, the bank took away his
car.
Sham: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage as well

Fwd: Late Working!! Ha ha ha ha

2009-03-03T13:03:00.001+05:30

Fwd: Still u use CAN'T and IMPOSSIBLE - Armless Girl Gets A Pilot

2009-02-23T19:33:00.001+05:30

Unbelievable?...... Believe it!!

Fwd: SHE MAKES BABIES........ so cute..

2009-02-13T15:03:00.001+05:30

Sent from: Northampton Eng United Kingdom.

Fwd: What a drink...!! Snake Wine

2009-02-13T15:01:00.000+05:30

Sent from: Northampton Eng United Kingdom.

Fwd: Spanish lesson

2009-02-01T15:35:00.000+05:30

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves

whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time
they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won!

Fwd: And that's when the fight started....

2009-02-01T15:33:00.001+05:30

************************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...

Fwd: Processes: Shall we go for a drink?

2009-01-20T13:44:00.001+05:30

The diagram demonstrates the process in a female and male brain during the simple question: "Shall we go for a drink?"

netwala: SpiceJet: Happy Hours- Book for two pay for one! http://tinyurl.com/7hs749

Fwd: A Tribute to the Professors of India

2009-01-16T11:11:00.001+05:30

Not all professors of course), on their usage of English

# Inside the Class:

Both of u three, get out of the class.
(Facing the Board) Dont talk in front of my back.
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
Shhh... quiet, boys... the principal just passed away in the corridor.
You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class...)
Close the doors of the windows please... I have winter in my nose today.
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.
Take 5cm wire of any length.
shhh... quite, the principal is rotating in the school.

About his family:

I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

At the ground:

All of you, stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the ball.

To a boy, angrily:

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

Giving a punishment:

You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and under-stand the tree...
You three of you, stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO... (?)

Sir at his best:
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them.
So the next day at school (to that boy):"Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

netwala: Network 18 launched AwaazKarobar.com http://tinyurl.com/a8qxo4

Fwd: Honorable MEN

2009-01-12T16:20:00.001+05:30

If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a
man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it!

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a
river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord
appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he
needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three
axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the
Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is
this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You
would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you
would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would
have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to
take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.

That's the story, and they are sticking to it! - "WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!!!!!!"

"Love all, trust a few." - Shakespeare

Fwd: Office exercises to avoid sleepiness

2009-01-09T15:19:00.001+05:30

As a warm up, let's do some Tai Chi..	Follow like this to ease your neck & shoulder pain	Wa..wa.. aaa	Move to the right and then to the left
After that, move to the left and then to the right	Just follow. Don't force yourself to do 360 degrees, 180 degreeswill do. Bend down a bit like you gonna faint. Repeat a few times till you're bored	Grab anything on your desk and smash your head hard. If you are still sleepy smash harder	After that move your feet and swing your body a bit like this. Do it like it's nobody's business and remember to smile
Move your feet and body just a bit like this.... Do it like there's no problem at all...	And now more aggressive! Don't bother about what others say	Let go of all your stress...	If your boss ask what you are doing, move your head slowly like this and tell them you're dying in the office
When your boss walked off, get your colleague to join you and move your body like this. The more the merrier...	Finally, dance like a cat

If you are still sleepy despite all these, just grab your small pillow and sleep under your desk.
Advice: Do This At Your Own Risk
Have an awesome day!!

Fwd: YEAR-09' begins...

2009-01-06T11:29:00.001+05:30

A Thought TO START YOUR YEAR-09' with...

Powerful idea: the beautiful thing about being in the unknown is
everything is possible.

You just received a giant gift: a fresh, virgin new year - utterly
open to it being made into anything you choose it to become. Forget
the doomsayers. Block out the fear-mongers. Shout down those voices of
mediocrity encouraging you to play small with your days amidst the
dramatic changes in our world. This is a time to dream, to shine - to
lead.

It's a great time to be alive - regardless of how bad your life might
appear (things always get better don't they?).

You just got 12 fresh months (I needed to repeat that because it's
such an inspiring thought to me). Some amongst us don't have that
time. You do. You are blessed.

So what will you do with 2009? Will you spend it wisely - reaching for
excellence and outright greatness, regardless of where you work and
who you are? Will this year be the year you leave behind all your
victim stories about why you can't be in world-class health and lead
in your field at work and love your family like there's no tomorrow?
Will this year be the year you have the courage to catch a glimpse of
how extraordinary you are and then assume the personal responsibility
to let that talent see the light of day? And will this new year be the
12 months that you give back to the world, by lifting others up and by
being honest, ethical and downright good?

Just wondering. Because the clock is ticking. And this very moment is
a fine time to begin.

Fwd: Am I with the right partner?

2009-01-06T11:26:00.001+05:30

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right
person?" the author then noticed that there was a large man sitting
next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all
seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this
question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind
replied the author. Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle...In the beginning; you fall in love
with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and
like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it
was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have
to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Picture the
expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing
nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a
passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of
being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of
EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if
they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and
your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will
notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were
in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this
point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the
right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once
had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This
is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right
person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for
fulfilment. Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a
hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the
answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies
within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone
else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in
the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to
this): The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the
right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have
to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy.
And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO
to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner).
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships. If you know and apply these
laws, the results are predictable. You can "make" love. Love is
therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is
up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who
you refuse to let GO!!

Fwd: Some good things to do...

2009-01-06T10:29:00.000+05:30

Sleep well – Sleep warm, full 8 hours at a stretch.

Work hard – It relaxes. Work hard what you enjoy.

Meditate - Devote full 30 minutes every day of yours with your Mind,
with 7 chakras.

Listen - Listen to your Angels and follow what they say.

Breath Deep - avoid early mornings, they are full of Smog in cities.

Drink - only Water. Lots of Water. Only Plain Water. Lots of.

Eat well - without adulterated spices.

Diet - Good breakfast, Lighter Lunch, Lightest Dinner.

Play Music - What soothes you - all 7 notes.

Appreciate Colors - all 7 of them.

Laugh - Practice Laughing. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with kids. Laugh
with loved ones.

No Entry - Shut all 5 senses towards –ve thoughts and -ve people.

Avoid AC - Keep AC ventilator always open.

Fwd: U r cordially invited ...

2008-12-26T17:05:00.001+05:30

U r cordially invited to the inauguration of The Youth Idea Exchange
Forum - ''INTELLECTION'', tomorrow Saturday 27th Dec. 6 pm, Symbiosis
Law School auditorium at d hands of Dr. S.B. Mujumdar, Adv. Vandana
Chavan & Mr. Anand Agashe.

Intellection- a Youth 2 Youth initiative - is a forum by d youth, of d
youth, for d youth. Every 2nd Saturday, youth takes on d platform 2
discuss, analyse, share opinions & debate on various issues.
Pl fwd dis msg to all thinkin & carin young citizens u kno.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Fwd: good story for all specially for all married people

2008-12-23T18:11:00.001+05:30

Good story for all specially for all married people

For all my married friends.. and for those who would plan be married soon...

Priya married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Priya's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook. With Rs.1000 deposit amount. Mother: 'Priya, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line.

The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.' Priya shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be
made.

This was what they did after certain time:
- 7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage
- 1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Priya
- 20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali
- 15 Apr: Rs.2000, Priya got pregnant
- 1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted
..... and so on...

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the most nasty people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh? One day Priya talked to her Mother: 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'
Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'

Priya thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She
looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home. When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Priya. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record:"This is the day I Notice" how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness You've brought me.' They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe.

Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask.I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone through all the good years in their life.
"When you fall, in any way, Don't see the place where you fell, Instead see the place from where you slipped.

Life is about correcting mistakes."

Fwd: UNEMPLOYED GRADUATE!!

2008-12-23T18:09:00.001+05:30

UNEMPLOYED GRADUATE:

An unemployed graduate woke up one morning and checked his pocket. All
he had left was $10. He decided to use it to buy food and then wait
for death as he was too proud to go begging. He was frustrated as he
could find no job, and nobody was ready to help him.

He bought food and as he sat down to eat, an old man and two little
children came along and asked him to help them with food as they had
not eaten for almost a week. He
looked at them. They were so lean that he could see their bones coming
out. Their eyes had gone into the socket. With the last bit of
compassion he had, he gave them the food. The old man and children
prayed that God would bless and prosper him and then gave him a very
old coin. The young graduate said to them 'you need the prayer more
than I do'.

With no money, no job, no food, the young graduate went under the
bridge to rest and wait for death. As he was about to sleep, he saw an
old newspaper on the ground. He picked it up, and suddenly he saw an
advertisement for people with old coins to come to a certain address.

He decided to go there with the old coin the old man gave him. On
getting to the place, he gave the proprietor the coin. The proprietor
screamed, brought out a big book and showed the young graduate a
photograph. This same old coin was worth 3 million dollars. The young
graduate was overjoyed as the proprietor gave him a bank draft for 3
million dollars within an hour. He collected the Bank Draft and went
in search of the old man and little children.

By the time he got to where he left them eating, they had gone. He
asked the owner of the canteen if he knew them. He said no but they
left a note for you. He quickly opened the note thinking it would lead
him to find them.

This is what the note said: 'You gave us your all and we have rewarded
you back with the coin,' signed God the Father, The Son and The Holy
Ghost. 1 Kings 17:10-16; Matthew 11:28-30

Have you given all to Jesus Christ? If you haven't, do so today and he
will surprise you.

PRAYER:

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God,
I pray to you that you abundantly Bless my family and me. I know that
you recognize, that a family is more than just a mother, father,
sister, brother husband and wife, but all Who believe a and trust in
you.

Father, I send up a prayer request for financial blessing for not only
the person who sent this to me, but for Me and all that I have
forwarded this message on to. And that the power of joined prayer by
those who believe and trust in you is more powerful than anything.

I thank you in advance for your blessings.
Father God, deliver the person reading this right now and those who
will read it in the near future from debt and debt burdens. Release
your Godly wisdom that I may be a good steward over all that You have
given me Father, for I know how wonderful and mighty You are and how
if we just obey You and walk in Your word and have the faith of a
Mustard seed that You will pour out blessings.
I thank You now Lord for the recent blessings I have received and for
the blessings yet to come Because I know You are not done with me yet.
In Jesus name, I pray,
Amen

SEND THIS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU WILL BE BLESSED...

Fwd: Life

2008-12-23T10:03:00.001+05:30

God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to
sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will
have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."
The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50years is much.
Give me only 20years"
God granted his wish.

....................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30years.
You will be a dog. "

The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30years is too much,give me only15 years.
" God granted his wish.

........................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing
tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "

The monkey answered:
"To live 20years is too much, give me only 10years."
God granted his wish.

....................................................................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally God created man... and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give
me the 30years that the donkey refused, the 15years that the dog did
not want and the 10years the monkey refused.

" God granted man's wish
................................................................

And since then, man lives
20 years as a man ,

marries and spends
30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life...!

Fwd: Extraordinary Value of Human Life

2008-12-22T18:37:00.001+05:30

Hi!

If you have a function/party at your home and if there is excess food
available at the end, don't hesitate to call 1098 (only in India ) -
child helpline. They will come and collect the food.

Please circulate this message which can help feed many children.
PLEASE, DON'T BREAK THIS CHAIN....

"Helping hands are better than Praying Lips". Pass this to all whom
you know and whom you don't know as well.

Fwd: It's attitude, that matters !!! :)

2008-12-16T19:55:00.001+05:30

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya. Tabhi usane dekha ek sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans sookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gaya aur ek sookhi hadii ko choosane laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko khaane ka maza hi kuchh aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho jayegi!" Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher sakate mein aa gayaa. Usne socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!" Aur sher wahan se champat ho gaya.

Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh mauka achha hai sher ko sari kahani bata deta hoon – sher se dosti ho jayegi aur usase zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega. Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh liya aur samajh gaya ki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada, "chal mere sath abhi uski leela kahatam karta hu" aur Bandar ko apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka.

Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek bar phir uskii taraf peeth karke baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bheje ek ghanta ho gaya saala ek sher phaans kar nahi la sakta!"

Fwd: Dec 3, 2008 - Gateway peace March

2008-12-04T15:34:00.001+05:30

Fwd: Appraisal - SE TO SSE

2008-12-03T23:09:00.001+05:30

Fwd: ALL INDIA TOLL-FREE Terror Help-line

2008-12-03T23:04:00.001+05:30

In case you come across any suspicious activity, any suspicious movement or have any information to tell to the Anti-Terror Squad (ATS), please take a note of the new ALL INDIA TOLL-FREE Terror Help-line "1090". Your city's Police or Anti-Terror squad will take action as quickly as possible

Remember that this single number 1090 is valid all over India. This is a toll free number and can be dialed from mobile phones also. Moreover, the identity of the caller will be kept a secret. Let us make each and every citizen of India aware about this facility.

Fwd: 49-O in Constitution of India

2008-12-01T15:11:00.001+05:30

49-O in Constitution of India

Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the 1969 act, in section " 49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth, confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding election officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!

Yes such a feature is available, but obviously these leaders have never disclosed it....

This is called "49-O".

Why should you go and say " I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has received "49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be cancelled and will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot contest the re-polling, since people had already expressed their decision on them.

This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine candidates for their parties for election. This would change the way; of our whole political system....... it is seemingly surprising why the election commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....

Please spread this news to as many as you know...

Seems to be a wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India ... show your power, expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more powerful than voting.... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote not to vote (vote 49-O) and pass this info on...

Use your voting right for a better INDIA

Here is the Election commision link for the same http://eci.gov.in/Press/current/PN_030804.pdf

Fwd: love letter from HR

2008-12-01T15:09:00.000+05:30

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Sunday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 27th of July. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo

Fwd: Happy Children's day ...

2008-11-20T02:48:00.001+05:30

Fwd: Pers..!! Performance vs. Position

2008-11-19T19:42:00.002+05:30

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai!

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven..

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ....
'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'

Moral of the story: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts.

Fwd: This is a keeper...

2008-11-18T22:41:00.002+05:30

The Hormone Guide
Women will understand this!
Men shouldmemorizeit!

Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS	SAFER	SAFEST	ULTRA SAFE
What's for dinner?	Can I help you with dinner?	Where would you like to go for dinner?	Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that?	You sure look good in brown!	WOW! Look at you!	Here, have some wine
What are you so worked up about?	Could we be overreacting?	Here's my paycheck.	Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that?	You know, there are a lot of apples left.	Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?	Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day?	I hope you didn't over-do it today.	I've always loved you in that robe!	Here, have some wine.

FWD: Appraisal time

2008-11-18T22:39:00.000+05:30

FWD: Interesting Essay written by Candidate appearing for IAS

2008-11-18T22:37:00.000+05:30

An essay written on INDIAN COW by a candidate appearing for IAS exam.
This was published in the Marathi daily news paper - Loksatta...!

Fwd: Funta-stick Advertisement

2008-11-14T18:30:00.000+05:30

Fwd: At least glance through the document - Reason for Violence (Must Know)

2008-11-13T16:35:00.001+05:30

Subject: At least glance through the document -Reason for Violence (Must Know)

This situation will arise because, All the Jobs in Maharashatra
then, will be Occupied by Non- Maharashtrians.
Non Maharashtrians here means not people from North India, South
India, etc., But those People who
are Not Domiciled In Maharashtra. Similar situation may happen
to people of other states too.

Railway Recruitment Board aspirants are Brutally Beaten Up !!!

There is large scale Rioting in Bandra, Kalyan, etc !!!!

STOP.

THINK. Why this Situation has come up ???

The Actual Truth is this :-

Since Independence India's States were formed on the
Basis of the Local Languages. Logical.
Since 1976, The employment criteria of the Central Recruitment
Board was divided into
zones as per the General People of India. This division was
based on the Local Language of the States.

Zone-A Bihar, Haryana, HP, MP, Rajasthan, UP, Andaman,
Delhi formed the Hindi Speaking Zone.

Zone-B Maharashtra, Gujarat, Punjab & Chandigad,
the Non Hindi Speaking Zone.

Zone-C Southern India States like Kerala,
Karnataka, etc. & North Eastern States like
Assam, Mizoram, Bengal etc.

The Central Employment Rule said that 'All Exams for
Employments in the respective Zones shall
be Held in the Respective States Only.' So that the Local People
may get the Jobs in their Home Town.
Very Logical. For 30 Years everything was going Fine.

But since 1987, there was a Minor Change in the Rule 9
Part 9.2.2, for Zone -B Jobs. And this
was made a Rule since 1988. This change was that 'As an optional
Language of employement, People of Zone-A
can Apply for Jobs in Zone-B.' This opened up doors of
Employement for All Zone-A aspirants in Zone-B areas.

But with this Clause there was a Sub-Clause, stating '
The Notice of Jobs in Zone-B areas for Zone-A
aspirants, May be given in Zone-A Areas only.' Because of this,
Recruitment Notices for Jobs in Maharashtra, etc.
are Displayed Only in states like UP, Bihar, Rajasthan, etc. But
these Notices are Seldom displayed in Newspapers
of Maharashtra, etc.

So this time, for the 3000 Railway Posts in Maharashtra,
12000 Aspirants came from Zone-A areas.
The Result of this is that, the Un-employed of Maharashtra is
Remaining Un-employed. This will surely lead to
Suicides in Due Course.

Many Parties over these years Requested the Central
Recruitment Board to Cancel this Clause.
But this was Not done. The Result of this is, the Large Scale
Beating Up and Rioting Today. This violent
means is Not Correct. But has there been any choice Left today ???

This mail is Not to Justify Violence, but to show to you how
some Politicians, by Modifying some Rules,
have Subtly ensured that their Constituency people get Better
Employements. Why should all these Politicians
hold rallies in Maharashtra ???

How will anything be done, as all these Years people like Nitish
Kumar, Ram Vilas Paswan
and Lalu Prasad Yadav are the Railway Ministers. Today many TCs,
Booking Clerks, GRP, in the Mumbai Railways
are from Zone-A areas. Today Many New Trains have been started
to these States. Holiday Specials & Garib Raths
are also run specially for these States. This is a Fact.

What Should Be Done ;- College Admissions and Employments should
be Given on the Basis of Domicile
Certificates. I remember in 1991, when I was applying for
College Admissions I was asked to produce
a Domicile Cert. But after my Batch this Rule was Relaxed. 17
years down the line we are Witnessing
the Result of All this.

Agreed, 10% Out of Maharashtra People may be Allowed. But First
Think of the Sons of Soil. This should
be applicable Not Only in Maharashtra, but also in other States.

Read and if you agree kindly Forward to Not Only Marathi People,
But also to Non-Maharashtrians.
Let them also be aware of the Situation that may happen to their
Jobs as well.

Fwd: Fashion Ka Jalwa: CAT WALK OVER THE WATER

2008-11-13T16:33:00.001+05:30

Fwd:Loving Hubbies

2008-11-04T15:13:00.000+05:30

Loving Hubbies

Fwd: दीपावली की हार्दिक शुभकामनायें...............

2008-10-28T20:53:00.000+05:30

हिन्दी
दीपावली की हार्दिक शुभकामनायें

चंदन की खुशुबू, रेशम का हार.
सावन की सुगंध, बारिश की फुहार.
दिल की उम्मीद, अपनों का प्यार .
मुबारखो दीपावली का त्यौहार.

मराठी
दिवाळीच्या हार्दिक शुभेच्छा .. !!

चंदनाची खुशुबू , रेशमाचा हार.
श्रावणाचा सुगंध, पावसाचा वर्षाव.
हृदयाची आशा, आपल्यांचा प्रेम,
दीपावलीच्या हार्दिक शुभेच्छा !!

English
Wishing u a Happy Diwali

Fragrance of sandal, garland of silk,
scent of winter , spout of rain,
Hope of heart, Love of own,
Wish you a very happy diwali.

విషింగ్ యు అ హ్యాపీ దీపావళి

விஷிங் யு எ ஹாப்பி தீபாவளி

വിഷിന്ഗ് യു എ ഹാപ്പി ദീപാവലി

Fwd:Photography with the Right Angle...

2008-10-22T17:46:00.000+05:30

Fwd: If you love someone!

2008-10-20T12:22:00.001+05:30

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE:

If you love someone,
Set her free…
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was…..

THE NEW VERSIONS:

Pessimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free …
If she doesn't come back,
continue to wait until she comes back …

Playful:
If you love someone,
Set her free …
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love( m_she))
m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)
m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second
Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her coming
back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable
anyway.

Schwarzenegger' s fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person:
If you love someone
don't set her free.

MBA:
If you love someone set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist:
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist:
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert:
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert:
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone
set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

Fwd: Bankruptcy explained.. Challenging

2008-10-17T12:26:00.001+05:30

A bit long, but very very explanatory….Must read

Once there was a little island country. The land of this country was
the tiny island itself. The total money in circulation was 2 dollars
as there were only two pieces of 1 dollar coins circulating around.

1) There were 3 citizens living on this island country. A owned the
land. B and C each owned 1 dollar.

2) B decided to purchase the land from A for 1 dollar. So, now A and C
own 1 dollar each while B owned a piece of land that is worth 1
dollar.

* The net asset of the country now = 3 dollars.

3) Now C thought that since there is only one piece of land in the
country, and land is non producible asset, its value must definitely
go up. So, he borrowed 1 dollar from A, and together with his own 1
dollar, he bought the land from B for 2 dollars.

*A has a loan to C of 1 dollar, so his net asset is 1 dollar.
* B sold his land and got 2 dollars, so his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C owned the piece of land worth 2 dollars but with his 1 dollar debt
to A, his net residual asset is 1 dollar.
* Thus, the net asset of the country = 4 dollars.

4) A saw that the land he once owned has risen in value. He regretted
having sold it. Luckily, he has a 1 dollar loan to C. He then borrowed
2 dollars from B and acquired the land back from C for 3 dollars. The
payment is by 2 dollars cash (which he borrowed) and cancellation of
the 1 dollar loan to C. As a result, A now owned a piece of land that
is worth 3 dollars. But since he owed B 2 dollars, his net asset is 1
dollar.

* B loaned 2 dollars to A. So his net asset is 2 dollars.
* C now has the 2 coins. His net asset is also 2 dollars.
* The net asset of the country = 5 dollars. A bubble is building up.

(5) B saw that the value of land kept rising. He also wanted to own
the land. So he bought the land from A for 4 dollars. The payment is
by borrowing 2 dollars from C, and cancellation of his 2 dollars loan
to A.

* As a result, A has got his debt cleared and he got the 2 coins. His
net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owned a piece of land that is worth 4 dollars, but since he has a
debt of 2 dollars with C, his net Asset is 2 dollars.
* C loaned 2 dollars to B, so his net asset is 2 dollars.

* The net asset of the country = 6 dollars; even though, the country
has only one piece of land and 2 Dollars in circulation.

(6) Everybody has made money and everybody felt happy and prosperous.

(7) One day an evil wind blew, and an evil thought came to C's mind.
"Hey, what if the land price stop going up, how could B repay my loan.
There is only 2 dollars in circulation, and, I think after all the
land that B owns is worth at most only 1 dollar, and no more."

(8) A also thought the same way.

(9) Nobody wanted to buy land anymore.

* So, in the end, A owns the 2 dollar coins, his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B owed C 2 dollars and the land he owned which he thought worth 4
dollars is now 1 dollar. So his net asset is only 1 dollar.
* C has a loan of 2 dollars to B. But it is a bad debt. Although his
net asset is still 2 dollars, his Heart is palpitating.
* The net asset of the country = 3 dollars again.

(10) So, who has stolen the 3 dollars from the country? Of course,
before the bubble burst B thought his land was worth 4 dollars.
Actually, right before the collapse, the net asset of the country was
6 dollars on paper. B's net asset is still 2 dollars, his heart is
palpitating.

(11) B had no choice but to declare bankruptcy. C as to relinquish his
2 dollars bad debt to B, but in return he acquired the land which is
worth 1 dollar now.

* A owns the 2 coins; his net asset is 2 dollars.
* B is bankrupt; his net asset is 0 dollar. (He lost everything)
* C got no choice but end up with a land worth only 1 dollar

* the net asset of the country = 3 dollars.

************ **End of the story; BUT ************ ********* ******

There is however a redistribution of wealth.
A is the winner, B is the loser, C is lucky that he is spared.
A few points worth noting -

(1) when a bubble is building up, the debt of individuals to one
another in a country is also building up.
(2) This story of the island is a closed system whereby there is no
other country and hence no foreign debt. The worth of the asset can
only be calculated using the island's own currency. Hence, there is no
net loss.
(3) An over-damped system is assumed when the bubble burst, meaning
the land's value did not go down to below 1 dollar.
(4) When the bubble burst, the fellow with cash is the winner. The
fellows having the land or extending loan to others are the losers.
The asset could shrink or in worst case, they go bankrupt.
(5) If there is another citizen D either holding a dollar or another
piece of land but refrains from taking part in the game, he will
neither win nor lose. But he will see the value of his money or land
goes up and down like a see saw.
(6) When the bubble was in the growing phase, everybody made money.
(7) If you are smart and know that you are living in a growing bubble,
it is worthwhile to borrow money (like A) and take part in the game.
But you must know when you should change everything back to cash.
(8) As in the case of land, the above phenomenon applies to stocks as well.
(9) The actual worth of land or stocks depends largely on psychology
(or speculation).

Fwd: Magic....!!

2008-10-13T14:47:00.001+05:30

Awesome Magic!

Fwd: Aisa Des Hai Mera........

2008-10-08T14:54:00.000+05:30

India Is the Cradle Of The Human Race, The Birthplace Of Human Speech,
The Mother Of History, The Grand Mother Of Legends And Great Grand
Mother Of Tradition!!

Fwd: Cdnuolt Blveiee Taht

2008-10-08T11:33:00.001+05:30

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid, too. Cna yuo raed tihs?
Olny 55 plepoe tuo fo 100 anc.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs
forwrad it.

Fwd: Melamine found in two Cadbury products

2008-10-06T10:27:00.001+05:30

A Hong Kong laboratory has found excessive amounts of the industrial
chemical melamine in two types of Cadbury Plc chocolate made in China
that the firm recalled last week as a precaution.

Thousands of children in China have fallen sick and four have died
after drinking melamine-laced milk. The dairy scare, China's latest in
a long line of food safety problems, also prompted mounting recalls
and warnings abroad.

Cadbury Dairy Milk Cookies Chocolate Bulk Pack 5kg was found to
contain with 6.9 parts per million (ppm) of melamine and Cadbury Dairy
Milk Hazelnut Chocolate Bulk Pack 5 kg had 56 ppm, a government
statement said.

Under Hong Kong regulations, the limit for melamine in these products
is 2.5 ppm. "Based on the levels detected, the public is advised to
stop consuming the products concerned," a spokesman for Hong Kong's
Centre for Food Safety said.

The British confectionary group last Monday announced the recall of 11
Chinese-made products from China, Hong Kong, Taiwan and Australia as
the scandal snowballed.

Tests in Hong Kong cleared another of the recalled products, which was
not named in the government statement, bringing to six the number of
Cadbury products with satisfactory levels of melamine so far.

Three products were not available for tests, the Hong Kong government
statement said.

Chinese police have detained six people suspected of producing and
selling melamine, the official Xinhua news agency said.

Fwd: Software Career Growth Meter...Where do you Stand??

2008-09-26T12:09:00.001+05:30

Uncanny resemblance to what I shaped like today (physically and career
wise) and below given picture graph :-(

Fwd: Good one ...

2008-09-25T12:43:00.001+05:30

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with
gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are
always silent. As a matter of fact, I have farted 20 times since I've been
here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they didn't
smell and are silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next
week."

After a week, the lady goes back, "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what
the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent, they stink
terribly!"

"Good!", the doctor said, now that we have cleared up your sinuses, let's
work on your hearing."

Fwd: If u were in the car, how will u feel?????

2008-09-24T14:41:00.001+05:30

Checkout Pune Photos!

Fwd: Join the Queue (Joke)

2008-09-17T18:04:00.001+05:30

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral.
A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one.
Behind the second coffin was a Solitary man walking with a black dog.
Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He approached the man walking with the dog, 'I am so sorry to disturb you,
But I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in
single line.
Whose funeral is it?'

The man replied, 'That first coffin is for my wife.'
What happened to her?'
'My dog attacked and killed her.'

'Well, who is in the second coffin?'

'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked
And killed her also.'

A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
Then the First one asks in excitement, 'Can I borrow the dog?

The man replied, 'Join the queue??????????'

Fwd: Our life..very nice one....go through it...

2008-09-16T17:41:00.000+05:30

Our life..very nice one....!!

Fwd: Love Dress

2008-09-16T09:49:00.001+05:30

A woman stopped by at her recently married son's house. She rang the
doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying
on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.

'What are you doing?' she asked.
'I'm waiting for your son to come home from work,' the daughter-in-law
answered.
'But you're naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed!
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law explained.
'Love dress? But you're naked!',
'Your son loves me to wear this dress,' she explained. 'It excites him
to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me.'

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid
on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband
came home.

He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he asked.
'This is my love dress,' she whispered, sensually.

' It needs ironing,' he said. 'What's for dinner?'

Fwd: Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment

2008-09-12T11:59:00.001+05:30

Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment

Fwd: Top 22 things an Indian does after returning from "US"

2008-09-02T21:00:00.001+05:30

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays the Deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway".
Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead
of Seven Zero Four)

16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every
time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts
in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but
deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee"
several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y
Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY,
says "Oh! British Style!!!!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is
experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

Few more important

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by
which he traveled back to India , even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll
the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:
1.. Tries to begin conversation with - "...when I was in US ....."

Fwd: Good Morning ......

2008-08-25T09:30:00.001+05:30

Good Morning & Have a nice day!!

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

Fwd: One Liners

2008-08-25T09:28:00.001+05:30

Love Humor & Jokes? Click here to Join Group...

• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the
prices of new car.

• Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, I
feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the
workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I
don't smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams
would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke
this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry
about my LUNGS.

• Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the
trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly
testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was
closed for lack of evidence.

• My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

• When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the
Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an
election.

• A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow
his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store
which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she
departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print
your age!"

• "Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay
with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'"
Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to
write furiously.
"What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?"
"I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

• Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

• Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute
and then expects your pulse to be normal

• A French in a hotel in NY, phoned room service for some pepper.

Attendant: Black pepper or white pepper?

French: Toilette pepper!

Fwd: FUNNY - NEW OFFICE POLICY....

2008-08-21T15:30:00.000+05:30

NEW OFFICE POLICY: EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Fridays & Saturdays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases
where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled
in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your
lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks*:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an
alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the
company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed
elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!

Fwd: Differences between you and your boss

2008-08-20T14:29:00.000+05:30

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your
authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Fwd: Just For GAGS....

2008-08-17T14:04:00.001+05:30

A Quality Engineer...

A Quality Engineer married an average girl…

After 2 years of tough life with her, finally Engineer got angry and sent a note to father-in-law stating that

"YOUR PRODUCT NOT MEETING MY REQUIREMENTS".

The smart father-in-law replies,

"WARRANTY EXPIRED. MANUFACTURER NOT RESPONSIBLE"

Fwd: New Speed Limit Device !!!!!!!!!

2008-08-17T14:00:00.001+05:30

Fwd: Big brother of TITANIC (amazing)

2008-08-17T09:52:00.006+05:30

Kuch yad aaya????????????

Fw: View From ISS...Really How great these NASA people are ?

2008-08-17T09:48:00.004+05:30

Fwd: Safety Standards

2008-08-17T09:44:00.002+05:30

Fwd: Husband of the year Award....2008..

2008-08-17T09:37:00.001+05:30

2nd Runner up!

1st Runner up!

Winner!

Fwd: FW: Salary Hike...?!!

2008-08-17T09:32:00.000+05:30

Fwd: Rajnikant .. superb!

2008-08-08T14:34:00.000+05:30

Fwd: Save your Cows, They are coming..........

2008-08-06T15:20:00.001+05:30

Hats off India TV!
What would we do without you!

Fwd: From AP village to Google on wheel chair.... truly inspiring !!!

2008-08-04T17:10:00.001+05:30

'God has always been planning things for me'

Naga Naresh Karutura has just passed out of IIT Madras in Computer Science and has joined Google in Bangalore .

You may ask, what's so special about this 21-year-old when there are hundreds of students passing out from various IITs and joining big companies like Google?

Naresh is special. His parents are illiterate. He has no legs and moves around in his powered wheel chair. (In fact, when I could not locate his lab, he told me over the mobile phone, 'I will come and pick you up'. And in no time, he was there to guide me)

Ever smiling, optimistic and full of spirit; that is Naresh. He says, "God has always been planning things for me. That is why I feel I am lucky." Read why Naresh feels he is lucky.

Childhood in a village
I spent the first seven years of my life in Teeparru, a small village in Andhra Pradesh, on the banks of the river Godavari . My father Prasad was a lorry driver and my mother Kumari, a house wife. Though they were illiterate, my parents instilled in me and my elder sister (Sirisha) the importance of studying.

Looking back, one thing that surprises me now is the way my father taught me when I was in the 1st and 2nd standards. My father would ask me questions from the text book, and I would answer them. At that time, I didn't know he could not read or write but to make me happy, he helped me in my studies!

Another memory that doesn't go away is the floods in the village and how I was carried on top of a buffalo by my uncle. I also remember plucking fruits from a tree that was full of thorns.

I used to be very naughty, running around and playing all the time with my friends. I used to get a lot of scolding for disturbing the elders who slept in the afternoon. The moment they started scolding, I would run away to the fields!

I also remember finishing my school work fast in class and sleeping on the teacher's lap!

January 11, 1993, the fateful day
On the January 11, 1993 when we had the sankranti holidays, my mother took my sister and me to a nearby village for a family function. From there we were to go with our grandmother to our native place. But my grandmother did not come there. As there were no buses that day, my mother took a lift in my father's friend's lorry. As there were many people in the lorry, he made me sit next to him, close to the door.

It was my fault; I fiddled with the door latch and it opened wide throwing me out. As I fell, my legs got cut by the iron rods protruding from the lorry. Nothing happened to me except scratches on my legs.

The accident had happened just in front of a big private hospital but they refused to treat me saying it was an accident case. Then a police constable who was passing by took us to a government hospital.

First I underwent an operation as my small intestine got twisted. The doctors also bandaged my legs. I was there for a week. When the doctors found that gangrene had developed and it had reached up to my knees, they asked my father to take me to a district hospital. There, the doctors scolded my parents a lot for neglecting the wounds and allowing the gangrene to develop. But what could my ignorant parents do?

In no time, both my legs were amputated up to the hips.

I remember waking up and asking my mother, where are my legs? I also remember that my mother cried when I asked the question. I was in the hospital for three months.

Life without legs
I don't think my life changed dramatically after I lost both my legs. Because all at home were doting on me, I was enjoying all the attention rather than pitying myself. I was happy that I got a lot of fruits and biscuits.

'I never wallowed in self-pity'

The day I reached my village, my house was flooded with curious people; all of them wanted to know how a boy without legs looked. But I was not bothered; I was happy to see so many of them coming to see me, especially my friends!

All my friends saw to it that I was part of all the games they played; they carried me everywhere.

God's hand
I believe in God. I believe in destiny. I feel he plans everything for you. If not for the accident, we would not have moved from the village to Tanuku, a town. There I joined a missionary school, and my father built a house next to the school. Till the tenth standard, I studied in that school.

If I had continued in Teeparu, I may not have studied after the 10th. I may have started working as a farmer or someone like that after my studies. I am sure God had other plans for me.

My sister, my friend
When the school was about to reopen, my parents moved from Teeparu to Tanuku, a town, and admitted both of us in a Missionary school. They decided to put my sister also in the same class though she is two years older. They thought she could take care of me if both of us were in the same class. My sister never complained.

She would be there for everything. Many of my friends used to tell me, you are so lucky to have such a loving sister. There are many who do not care for their siblings.

She carried me in the school for a few years and after a while, my friends took over the task. When I got the tricycle, my sister used to push me around in the school.

My life, I would say, was normal, as everyone treated me like a normal kid. I never wallowed in self-pity. I was a happy boy and competed with others to be on top and the others also looked at me as a competitor.

Inspiration
I was inspired by two people when in school; my Maths teacher Pramod Lal who encouraged me to participate in various local talent tests, and a brilliant boy called Chowdhary, who was my senior.

When I came to know that he had joined Gowtham Junior College to prepare for IIT-JEE, it became my dream too. I was school first in 10th scoring 542/600.

Because I topped in the state exams, Gowtham Junior College waived the fee for me. Pramod Sir's recommendation also helped. The fee was around Rs 50,000 per year, which my parents could never afford.

Moving to a residential school
Living in a residential school was a big change for me because till then my life centred around home and school and I had my parents and sister to take care of all my needs. It was the first time that I was interacting with society. It took one year for me to adjust to the new life.

There, my inspiration was a boy called K K S Bhaskar who was in the top 10 in IIT-JEE exams. He used to come to our school to encourage us. Though my parents didn't know anything about Gowtham Junior School or IIT, they always saw to it that I was encouraged in whatever I wanted to do. If the results were good, they would praise me to the skies and if bad, they would try to see something good in that. They did not want me to feel bad.

They are such wonderful supportive parents.

Life at IIT- Madras
Though my overall rank in the IIT-JEE was not that great (992), I was 4th in the physically handicapped category. So, I joined IIT, Madras to study Computer Science.

Here, my role model was Karthik who was also my senior in school. I looked up to him during my years at IIT- Madras.

He had asked for attached bathrooms for those with special needs before I came here itself. So, when I came here, the room had attached bath. He used to help me and guide me a lot when I was here.

I evolved as a person in these four years, both academically and personally. It has been a great experience studying here. The people I was interacting with were so brilliant that I felt privileged to sit along with them in the class. Just by speaking to my lab mates, I gained a lot.

'There are more good people in society than bad ones'

Words are inadequate to express my gratitude to Prof Pandurangan and all my lab mates; all were simply great. I was sent to Boston along with four others for our internship by Prof Pandurangan. It was a great experience.

Joining Google R&D
I did not want to pursue PhD as I wanted my parents to take rest now.

Morgan Stanley selected me first but I preferred Google because I wanted to work in pure computer science, algorithms and game theory.

I am lucky
Do you know why I say I am lucky?

I get help from total strangers without me asking for it. Once after my second year at IIT, I with some of my friends was travelling in a train for a conference. We met a kind gentleman called Sundar in the train, and he has been taking care of my hostel fees from then on.

I have to mention about Jaipur foot. I had Jaipur foot when I was in 3rd standard. After two years, I stopped using them. As I had almost no stems on my legs, it was very tough to tie them to the body. I found walking with Jaipur foot very, very slow. Sitting also was a problem. I found my tricycle faster because I am one guy who wants to do things faster.

One great thing about the hospital is, they don't think their role ends by just fixing the Jaipur foot; they arrange for livelihood for all. They asked me what help I needed from them. I told them at that time, if I got into an IIT, I needed financial help from them. So, from the day I joined IIT, Madras , my fees were taken care of by them. So, my education at the IIT was never a burden on my parents and they could take care of my sister's Nursing studies.

Surprise awaited me at IIT
After my first year, when I went home, two things happened here at the Institute without my knowledge.

I got a letter from my department that they had arranged a lift and ramps at the department for me. It also said that if I came a bit early and checked whether it met with my requirements, it would be good.

Second surprise was, the Dean, Prof Idichandy and the Students General Secretary, Prasad had located a place that sold powered wheel chairs. The cost was Rs 55,000. What they did was, they did not buy the wheel chair; they gave me the money so that the wheel chair belonged to me and not the institute.

My life changed after that. I felt free and independent.

That's why I say I am lucky. God has planned things for me and takes care of me at every step.

The world is full of good people
I also feel if you are motivated and show some initiative, people around you will always help you. I also feel there are more good people in society than bad ones. I want all those who read this to feel that if Naresh can achieve something in life, you can too.

Fwd: Good node to start weekend!

2008-08-01T19:31:00.001+05:30

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help.

So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.

Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.

He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was those chills which only fear can put in you.

He said, "I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson."

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough.

Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him.

Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped.

Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, "And think of me."

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps.

The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair.

She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude.

The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door.

She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: "You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you."

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, and people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be
hard....

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, "Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson."

There is an old saying "What goes around comes around." Today, I sent you this story and I'm asking you to pass it on... Let this light shine.

Don't delete it, don't return it. Simply, pass this on to a friend.

Fwd: Leave Applications...

2008-07-30T15:23:00.001+05:30

See, how people write leave Applications. It's murder of English language. But Too Funny. Just Read It.

An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."

From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."

A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."

A candidate's job application: Ultimate
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

Fwd: Tears of a husband

2008-07-30T12:08:00.001+05:30

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,

'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have been released today!"

fwd: Cutest Pair of Twins...............

2008-07-29T21:12:00.001+05:30

Fwd: What can you do with your old PC.....

2008-07-24T12:02:00.001+05:30

What to do with your old PC ? Don't throw away your faulty computer or
parts. Try to do something useful from it.You don't know what ? Here
you have some examples.I hope you'll learn something useful from here.

Fwd: FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT

2008-07-23T11:12:00.001+05:30

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT

Fwd: Hand Art Advertisements by AT&T

2008-07-22T17:38:00.001+05:30

Fwd: Tibetan Delights

2008-07-22T11:21:00.001+05:30

Nature Never Disappoints. But we do to nature.

Fwd: Use the opportunity...

2008-07-17T19:11:00.001+05:30

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you
see me rob this bank?"

The ma n replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the
temper, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the ma n,
"Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Fwd: BEWARE OF KFC FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!--------

2008-07-17T19:09:00.001+05:30

Horrible N Fact about KFC

KFC has been a part of our American traditions for many years. Many
people, day in and day out, eat at KFC religiously. Do they really
know what they are eating? During a recent study of KFC done at the
University of New Hampshire, they found some very upsetting facts.
First of all, has anybody noticed that just recently, the company has
changed their name?

Kentucky Fried Chicken has become KFC. Does anybody know why? We
thought the real reason was because of the "FRIED" food issue.

IT'S NOT! !

The reason why they call it KFC is because they can not use the word
chicken anymore. Why? KFC does not use real chickens. They actually
use genetically manipulated organisms. These so called "chickens" are
kept alive by tubes inserted into their bodies to pump blood and
nutrients throughout their structure. They have no beaks, no feathers,
and no feet. Their bone structure is dramatically shrunk to get more
meat out of them. This is great for KFC.

Because they do not have to pay so much for their production costs.
There is no more plucking of the feathers or the removal of the beaks
and feet. The government has told them to change all of their menus so
they do not say chicken anywhere. If you look closely you will notice
this. Listen

to their commercials, I guarantee you will not see or hear the word
chicken. I find this matter to be very disturbing.

I hope people will start to realize this and let other people know.
Please forward this message to as many people as you can. Together we
make KFC start using real chicken again.

FWD: Ant & Grasshopper :

2008-07-09T17:35:00.001+05:30

Ant & Grasshopper :

U.S VERSION

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

INDIAN Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'.

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.
.
.
.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ....

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!

Fwd: Power of Positive Thought....

2008-07-09T17:27:00.002+05:30

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.. I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's other felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. Fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win.. I wish my dad had coached me
playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism. These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have
internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you short changing yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own
internal dialogue.

Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them.

But: Negates any words that are stated before it.
Try: Presupposes failure.
If: Presupposes that you may not.
Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener..
Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:

Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"
Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

Thanks for giving me a ability to share a very good article to my friends.

Fwd: Strange Furniture

2008-07-08T11:21:00.001+05:30

Fwd: Indian Mother - MUST READ...!!

2008-07-07T11:25:00.001+05:30

Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Love, Mom.

Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian !

Fwd: Niagara Falls in Chennai.....

2008-07-04T11:34:00.001+05:30

NIAGARA FALLS IN CHENNAI, SHOCKED ?

THIS IS NOT NATURE GIFT, BUT ITS DONE BY CHENNAI GOVERNMENT

Fwd: Excellent ads from Shoppers Stop.....Get Inspired

2008-07-04T10:41:00.001+05:30

Fwd: INDIA .. 100 years back

2008-07-03T12:01:00.001+05:30

This can be surely one of the most touching mails for the people who are proud of their Indian heritage.

We cannot go back in time to enjoy the bliss and pious ambiance but we surely can change ourselves to save our culture and country.

Fwd: Avoid using Mobile While Driving

2008-07-03T11:53:00.001+05:30

Wherever u go,our network Still follows...................

Avoid using Mobile While Driving!